So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
