I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
