i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
