if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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