Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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