my mouth tastes like poor choices
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
