she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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