Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
