i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
