At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
