I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
