Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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