Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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