I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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