so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
