So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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