Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
