your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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