Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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