i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
