This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
