How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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