sarcasm needs its own font
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
