Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
