You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
