So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Randomize
