I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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