Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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