Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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