you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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