Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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