Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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