I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
