areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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