I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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