Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Bring me that man meat
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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