He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
