but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
