Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do vagina's smell?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
