Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
be right there i have to get my cape
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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