she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
