i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
