i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
