I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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