McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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