It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have post one night stand depression
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
