shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
