she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
