i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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