Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
