Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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