Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
