I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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