for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had sex on a roof
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
